Writing 101 – Day Nineteen – letter to an un-conceived child

Today is a free writing day. Write at least four-hundred words, and once you start typing, don’t stop. No self-editing, no trash-talking, and no second guessing: just go. Bonus points if you tackle an idea you’ve been playing with but think is too silly to post about.

Dear Little One,

Hey! It’s mom here and I want to apologize for not bringing you into the world. It’s not like we just didn’t want you.We really did. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it would have been if you were here mainly because of the condition I’m in. Who will be there for us when your dad can’t work anymore? We went through so many different procedures trying to get you here. Nothing worked. I even quit all the events at Mother’s Day at church. It became depressing because so many people tried to make me feel guilty for “not trying.” They just didn’t understand.

I would have probably spoiled you. There’ nothing wrong with that either. Who am I? Well, I’m short and very heavy-set right now.  I have short hair because your dad cut my long hair off. He claimed it was to better care for it. He’s probably right, but I’m washing it now and I want it to grow again. I’m learning to write again. I used to write a lot of poetry when younger, even drama. I wrote a short drama several years ago that took second place in Brookhaven College’s writing contest; second is not bad. The biggest problem is that it takes so long to write because of the arthritis in my hands. I’m also taking up painting. I enjoy abstract painting mostly though. I don’t have a great eye for detail, guess it’s my eyesight and that isn’t great.

Your dad is a great man. He used to play several instruments: piano, guitar, and even banjo. he’s been doing that since he was a kid. He’s not tall, heavy set(and working on it), baldish, and strong. He has been my primary caretaker now since August of 2013 after my stroke. He has so soft hands. He lotions them down a lot because he works them almost constantly. He processes mail now, though he used to be a programmer. As with many people in the mid 2000’s he was a corporate lay-off. That was good money while it lasted.

The rest of the family would have loved you, I’m sure of that. Your grandparents would have spoiled you also. They loved their grand kids. The other kids? Your cousins would have liked you. There are four others, three girls and a boy. They all have kids of their own now, at least three of them do. The youngest is one I haven’t heard about since 2005. I don’t even know if she’s married yet. Her mom and I don’t talk. My other sister and also don’t talk much, but I think it might be different if you were around. You would have changed everything about our lives.

Your loving mom…

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4 thoughts on “Writing 101 – Day Nineteen – letter to an un-conceived child

  1. I think free flow writing brings out the best in us. You conveyed, what must be crippling sadness sometimes without being maudlin. Well done.

  2. Wow, that was amazing. I agree with donnae. When I asked about respite care earlier, I’d forgotten about the stroke. Sorry for the oversight…that’s the nice thing about writing, though, your true personality shines through without any of the physical hindrances we experience in day-to-day life. You are truly a strong woman. So glad you have such a great husband! 🙂

  3. Such a moving post. It’s written honestly and simply, which conveys some strong emotion. I don’t have children either, not for lack of wanting them, but just circumstances never being right for them, so what you write resonates with me. I love your description of your husband. He seems quiet strength to me.

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